The subtitle of this blog account is “Here we go again…”. I added it when I first started my wordpress because it was my second attempt at keeping you–whoever you are–up to date and exposed to my ever changing life. Once I made the BIG change from single to married and the BIG move to California, that stalled out. So here we go again AGAIN in this new endeavor to share my happenings in a more steady fashion.
Believe it or not, my inspiration to write again came from my mommy-to-be friend Amy Showalter’s site. It’s the only blog I actually follow and get somewhat disappointed when there’s no new news. I am not pregnant (sorry parents), but I do have some “splaining to do” for my past year under the radar. Also, I know the Lord is leading me to shed some light on my marriage, personal growth, the entertainment industry here, and the struggle to balance my faith and passions. I finally feel the urge to put my fingers to the keys and come out from hiding as I journey through this next phase.
They say the first year of marriage is the most difficult. I would agree with that, but not for the reasons most would. Being married is the EASY part! Moving, finding work, buying a home, and losing a job are the…hard parts. I won’t go into too much detail because it’s not just MY life that I’m documenting anymore. It’s ours and I’ll try to stick with my side of it in this blog.
As of now: I am renting a two bedroom apartment and freelancing as an actress and model while helping to develop an artist group called derekstar. Goodness gracious, I wish someone would have told me how long it takes and how expensive it is to put a home together! Right now we have our basics with a bed in the dining room, a dining room table in the living room, a bedroom as our “closet” and an office with a lack of storage. This is definitely humble beginnings, but I couldn’t be happier with our progress. It’s hard to get over losing out on the condo we were going to buy, but I am fully convinced that this is the path God wants us to take and there’s no use wishing things were different. I’m taking it one day at a time and making sure not to get my priorities out of order.
I’ve heard time and time again that L.A. is fake and everyone is out to get you. It’s not that intense, but it CAN be depressing and make you question who you are and what you’re worth. I honestly never thought that would happen to me because I figured it would be easy. News flash: there’s hundreds of girls that look like me trying to do the exact same thing I am. It’s NOT easy! But it’s worth it.
Surprising even to me, I haven’t lost the passion to do what I love and go on–excuse me for saying this–stupid, meaningless auditions. Being here almost broke me because I set out to prove myself to everyone I knew and show them that I could “be something”. It’s so frustrating to go weeks without work and you have no idea why the four auditions you went to and 25 jobs you submitted for the week before never produced anything. Of course they have no obligation to tell you why you didn’t book it, so how do you improve what you have no knowledge of?
However, I have been very blessed to add projects to my resume that I didn’t think I’d get so soon and to get the kind of exposure I have. I just don’t want anyone to put me on a pedestal and think everything turned out perfectly. That would be deceptive and very much wrong. This is more of an intro on what’s to come, so I have nothing specific to delve into right away. Stay tuned though, I hope to be posting some exciting things here!
Peace and blessings!